10 lessons for navigating complexity and BEing your best more often | A client’s perspective
For something a little different,
In her characteristically warm, incisive and evidence-based way, Elana has nudged me towards a better understanding of how to play in the grey; towards a place where progress and sustainability can actually thrive.
Hey there, I’m Carmen. Over the past few years, I’ve had the immense privilege of being a client and behind-the-scenes content creator for foundher., seeing behind-the-scenes, and experiencing the profound impact of this modest but mighty organisation firsthand, under the guidance of the indomitable Elana Robertson.
If you’re anything like me, you’re probably all too aware of the challenges we are facing as a planet, and as a society. They’re big. They’re heavy. And they’re complex (mainly because we’ve already solved most of the simple ones). But rather than feeling helpless, hopeless, and unsure about how to make your biggest impact—what Elana and foundher. have taught me is how to truly ‘be somebody who does something about that’.
My journey through Sustainable PACE, SustainAbility, and Reset YOU has completely and fundamentally transformed not only my professional life but also the way I show up, for myself and for the world around me.
I’ve felt deeply fortunate to have a front row seat to all things foundher. for the past few years. In that time, I’ve absorbed a wealth of knowledge through her programs, and so I’m stepping in to share some of the most profound lessons I’ve learned along the way.
My hope is that this inspires others in the foundher. community to embrace your own journey of growth and transformation. Here are some of my biggest jaw drop, mind pop moments over the last few years with founder.
1. “WHAT GOT US HERE, WON’T GET US THERE”
Many of us are still holding on to outdated notions of success as doubling down on what’s worked in the past—just keep pushing, right? Nah, that’s not it. Working with Elana has made me realise that doing more of the same will only get us more stuck; leaving us running in circles, exhausted and stuck in a loop of diminishing returns.
Whether in business or the rest of our lives, clinging to old ways is a fast track to burnout, not breakthrough. I learned quickly that this isn’t a ‘me’ problem. We *all* carry outdated patterns and run faulty lines of code—be they beliefs, habits, ways of working—that maybe once served us but now they’re just downright holding us back. It’s like running a 2025 business on a 2005 mindset: it’s outdated and no longer fit for purpose.
I had to unlearn the idea that working harder equals working better—it doesn’t. It’s not about force; it’s about flow. Instead, to thrive, we need to evolve. And that evolution means going all in; recalibrating internal operating systems to see what we’re truly capable of.
2. THE KEY TO SUSTAINABLE HIGH PERFORMANCE IS REWRITTING *YOUR OWN* DEFINITION OF SUCCESS.
Even one minute on any social media platform and you’ll be served a smorgasbord of ‘productivity hacks’, ‘cure alls’, and ‘foolproof formulas’ promising to “fix” you. First of all, I’m not a broken chair leg; I don’t need fixing. Second of all, Elana taught me something much more powerful: true high performance is about creating a menu of supportive rhythms, rituals and routines that work with and for you, not against you.
This revelation hit me like a lightning bolt (and for those on the 2024 Reset YOU Retreat, we all know the kind of lightning bolt I’m talking about 🙉): your version of success cannot come from someone else’s playbook.
And it’s not like I used to think I needed to emulate the morning routine of some Silicon Valley CEO or a ‘wellness’ influencer to be at my best. But what I learned is that *my version* of sustainable high performance is about honouring the BEing as much as the DOing.
My morning doesn’t need to start at 5am with a green smoothie and an intense workout if that doesn’t fit my natural rhythms or responsibilities. In fact, my mornings look very, very different to that. It can (and often does) start closer to 9am with a glass of chocolate milk and what can only be described as ‘yoga-adjacent’ moves, before I sit down and plan out my day. Should everyone’s morning look like that? Of course not!
Instead, it’s about curating a schedule, and range of rituals, rhythms and routines that nourish your energy, creativity, and wellbeing—not mine. High performance isn’t about copying and pasting someone else’s routine; it’s about curating one that suits your unique context, responsibilities, and needs.
3. WE OVERSTACK OUR DAYS AND THEN WONDER WHY WE’RE EXHAUSTED.
How often have you packed your day to the brim, rushing from one task to another, checking off to-do lists, switching contexts every few minutes, and feeling like you’re constantly behind? For so many of us, that’s what work feels like. As a small business owner, I know how tired I was wearing all the hats, and hats don’t even look that good on me.
So much of what Elana teaches is both science-backed and heart-packed, so when she shared with me her take on our high-octane addiction to busyness and how it’s robbing us of our creativity, clarity, and joy—I leaned a little closer. She’s right.
We become so dependent on the dopamine hits that come from *crossing off all the things* that we forget what real productivity looks and feels like. It’s not about doing more; it’s about doing what matters, with more intention and presence.
Even though I think I was already ‘ok’ at project management and organising my time, Elana helped me realise how much we’re constantly asking our brains and bodies to do too much. This endless context switching, ‘over-stacking’, and cramming tasks into every available minute doesn’t just deplete our energy; it creates an unhealthy feedback loop. The antidote? Creating slack and learning to rest like our life depends on it—because it does.
4. THE MAT IS A MIRROR
Besides being an excellent and well-credentialed executive coach and systems change designer, Elana is also a trained yoga teacher and vedic meditation practitioner. By now even those of us in the ‘West’ know that yoga and meditation aren’t just about physical health; they are profound tools for self-awareness.
One of the most eye-opening lessons, particularly from Reset YOU, is how practices like yoga and meditation serve as mirrors to our inner world—and boy oh boy is there a lot going on in there! When I’m on the mat (those beautiful cork Zone by Lydia yoga mats), it’s not just about stretching or breathing—it’s about facing the parts of myself that I might be avoiding, and noticing the places where I’m stuck, bracing, or holding.
These practices offer really useful clues about where we’re being activated, emotionally and mentally, not just physically. And here’s the kicker: learning how to *sit with* that discomfort and not to go searching for answers. Because that searching, seeking, chasing is symptomatic of the linear, default thinking that got us here in the first place.
Instead, we need to learn to make space for the questions, to adjust our sails in the seas of uncertainty, and to accept that complexity is part of the world we live in. In Elana’s words, this uncertainty is a polarity to manage, not a problem to solve.
5. REST IS NOT A LUXURY - IT’S A NECESSITY
I’ve already mentioned that we have to figure out a way to rest like our lives depend on it. And it’s true. We live in a culture that glorifies busyness and productivity, making money from the madness and characterising rest as something we have to earn or feel guilty for.
Through foundher., and complemented by the work of Black activists, liberationists and women of colour like Tricia Hersey and her organisation The Nap Ministry, I’ve gradually learned how non-negotiable rest truly is. It’s not something you squeeze in once you’ve ‘done everything else’ (spoiler alert: that time never comes). Rest is a basic human need, and without it, everything else crumbles.
Throughout the Reset YOU program, Elana introduced us to the concept of deep rest—rest that doesn’t just recharge, but resets our nervous system. It’s about building self-awareness around what it looks like when we’re inching toward burnout, running on autopilot, or relying too heavily on our adrenals to get us through the day—to the point that no amount of ‘bubble baths and bullshit’ will suffice.
While I’m on the subject, Reset YOU 2024 at SOMA in Byron Bay (Bundjalung Country) was such an immersive, luscious experience, and the ultimate upgrade of my rest game. Like, I knew it would be good, but I didn’t know how good until I experienced it for myself. The food—spectacular. The location—sublime. The program itself—deeply, deeply nourishing. And the connection with fellow high-performing women—life affirming.
Never forget that rest is a revolutionary act in a world that constantly demands more from us. It’s an act of both self-love and survival. By learning to activate the parasympathetic nervous system—the part of us responsible for ‘rest and digest’ (as opposed to fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and what the eff)—we can experiment with what deep, true rest looks like for us. Because there’s just so much at risk if we don’t.
6. WHAT’S PERSONAL IS ALWAYS UNIVERSAL
One of the beautiful aspects of foundher.’s group programs, particularly Sustainable PACE and SustainAbility, is the way they harvest collective wisdom. Elana is brilliant at ‘reading the room’, holding space for complexity, and always encouraging you to reflect on your personal experiences as a form of offering to the group. It’s become a valuable prompt that while each of our stories and experiences and paths are unique, the emotions behind them—joy, frustration, fear, hope—are universal; felt by us all.
In sharing stories, we often find resonance with others. We see ourselves reflected in their experiences, and vice versa. This collective sharing builds community, solidarity, and a deeper understanding of the human experience. It’s a powerful reminder that even though we may walk our own paths, we are never truly alone. There is always something to notice; always something to learn.
7. RESIST THE PENDULUM SWING AND LEARN TO PLAY IN THE ‘MIDZONE’
Another lesson that has really shifted the way I approach my business, and my life, is this concept of the ‘midzone’—the ample space between (usually two) extremes. Many of us, myself included, have a tendency to swing between ‘all-or-nothing’ thinking.
Influenced by our psychological, cultural and social environment, this kind of thinking is akin to a cognitive distortion where you see situations, outcomes, or even ourselves in often extreme, binary terms: things are either all good or all bad, a total success or complete failure, with little to no middle ground. Basically, it's bingeing the whole series, or not turning on the TV. It’s eating the whole pizza or only eating kale. It’s working 12-hour days, then jetting off to Bali or Byron for a ‘fly and flop’ vacation. Whiplash much?
In her characteristically warm, incisive and evidence-based way, Elana has nudged me towards a better understanding of how to play in the grey; towards a place where progress and sustainability can actually thrive.
Because when we operate with an all-or-nothing mindset, we set impossibly high standards for ourselves. Anything less than perfection feels like failure.
We become so afraid of not doing something perfectly (even though it doesn’t exist), that we don’t do it at all. The result? Procrastination, feeling stuck, feeling overwhelmed, and unmotivated. Any of that sounding painfully familiar?
This kind of polarised thinking often drives us to push ourselves to the poles; a constant pendulum swing between overworking and crashing/burning that is not only exhausting but it’s utterly unsustainable. It also destroys our confidence.
The power of embracing a growth mindset, practising self-compassion, building skills for decompression, and redefining success is crucial here—because it’s in the small, steady steps that we make big leaps over time.
Keep the learning going
Books like Jen Sincero’s ‘You Are A Badass’, Jennifer Garvey Berger’s ‘Unleash Your Complexity Genius’, and Nancy Kline’s ‘Time to Think’ can help you learn how to play in the mid-zone. And there’s plenty more great book recommendations dropped in the foundher. frequency ~ a monthly note for high-performing leaders.
8. SCARCITY HAS ENERGY - DON’T LET IT RULE YOU
We all know the feeling, that sense of ‘not enoughness’—not enough time, not enough money, not enough opportunity, not enough [insert thing here]. What I’ve learned from Elana and foundher. is that scarcity has a powerful and seductive energy, and if we don’t actively work to keep it at bay, it can take over our thinking and dictate our actions.
Whether it’s through weaving in daily gratitude practices that shift our focus from lack to abundance, or more strategic tools like business planning and cash flow forecasting, the key is to recognise when scarcity has a hold of us, and how to counteract it.
Living from a place of abundance—where you believe there is enough for you and enough for others—creates a much more sustainable and joyful way to operate.
Let’s be clear—this isn’t about ignoring the structural realities that shape our lives. Scarcity isn’t just a mindset; it’s built into the very systems we operate within—capitalism rewards and encourages competition; patriarchy limits and weaponises who gets access to power; and colonialism affects the way we value and see resources, opportunities and knowledge.
Living from a place of abundance doesn’t mean pretending those systems don’t exist. It means acknowledging them, while focusing on what’s within our control: the choices we make, the actions we take, and how we show up for ourselves and others. It’s about redefining success and enoughness on our own terms, without losing sight of the bigger picture.
9. WHAT ARE YOU AVAILABLE FOR?
Often life can feel like it is happening to us, that we are subject to our own experience of what’s happening ‘out there’. One of the most empowering lessons I’ve learned with foundher. is the idea that we can make what we’re subject to more objective, that we get to choose what we’re available for.
Are we available for overwhelm, burnout, and boundary-crossing? Or are we available for creativity, joy, and meaningful work?
This shift from feeling like life is something that happens to you, to realising that we are co-creators of our experience (life happening by you, or through you), has been one of the most profound insights I’ve experienced. Grounded in the latest thinking and theory on vertical development, Elana blends the insights from those she has trained with such as Robert Kegan, Suzanne Cook-Greuter, Jennifer Garvey Berger, Nick Petrie, and many others, to help you live and perform as your best self, not stuck on auto-pilot.
She has given me language and frameworks to go from feeling like life is happening to me (hello: overwhelm, victimhood and burnout), to consciously designing a path that leads to greater flow and less friction, aligned with purpose and impact. It’s about taking responsibility (but not over-responsibility), making intentional choices, and stepping up to create the reality we want.
Does this mean hard things don’t still happen? Of course not. Does it mean I never have moments of doubt or frustration? Ahem, no. Does it mean that everything is in our control? Absolutely not—you can manifest your way out of poverty.
What it does mean, though, is that we have the power to develop more helpful boundaries between what we can, and cannot, control; between what we are, and are not, responsible for. This enables us to better discern when we’re operating under the pressures of external systems (e.g. capitalism or patriarchy), and when we can rewrite our own versions of success, productivity, freedom, and connection.
10. THE RIPPLE EFFECT: CHANGE YOURSELF, CHANGE THE WORLD.
You would be surprised how hard it is to only share 10 things I have learned from Elana and foundher. over the past few years, but so you don’t spend the rest of your life reading this article, and can get on with the things you are *actually* here to create, perhaps the most powerful lesson of all is coming to a deep, embodied understanding of the ripple effect.
When we sign up to do ‘the work’—whether that’s personal development, professional growth, or even just learning to rest and recalibrate—we inevitably change the lives and shape the systems around us. This is the essence of foundher.’s Ripple Effect Framework.
When we invest in being able to show up as our best selves more often, we inspire others to do the same. When we change the way we interact with systems, we begin to shift those systems. The impact we have on our communities, our families, and the world begins with the courage to do the inner work.
It’s a ripple effect, and it’s one of the most beautiful aspects of my journey (and many others’) with foundher.—knowing that the changes I am committed to making in my own life are rippling out to impact others in ways I may never even know. And that’s a pretty amazing thing.
IS IT YOUR TURN TO SHOW UP WITH COURAGE?
These 10 lessons are, in so many ways, just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what I’ve learned through foundher.—whether it’s Sustainable PACE, Reset YOU, or SustainAbility.
Each program has helped me shift the way I think, work, and navigate complexity—both the ones within my control and those shaped by the systems around us.
If any of this resonates with you, or if you’re ready to find your own version of growth, balance, and transformation, I can’t recommend foundher.’s programs enough. Whether it’s signing up for a group program or getting on the waitlist for Reset YOU 2025, these experiences have been game-changers for me, and I know they can be for you too.
Here’s to making ripples, creating change, and showing up for what truly matters—one intentional choice at a time.
Carmen Hawker is a strategic communications consultant, feminist campaigner and copywriter, and not-for-profit co-founder. To get in touch, all you have to do is CARMEN GET IT! or connect with Carmen on LinkedIn.